Forgiving an unrepentant spouse

What about those times when your spouse isn’t sorry—how do you forgive then? Unilateral forgiveness is when you choose to forgive your spouse even if he or she has not asked for it and may have not even repented. Essentially you are forgiving your mate on your own, without his or her involvement. 

Why would you grant forgiveness to someone who doesn’t want it, has not asked for it and may not deserve it? The reason you grant unilateral forgiveness is not to set your spouse free but to set yourself free. Unilateral forgiveness keeps you from being bound by something the other person may never set right. This is what Jesus did on the Cross by “not counting [our] trespasses against [us]” (2 Corinthians 5:19). 

Forgiveness is crucial for any marriage to thrive. But if that forgiveness is conditional, it is not couched in the love of God. Jesus Christ died for our sins and asked His Father to forgive us while doing so himself. He didn’t wait to give us His gift of mercy and grace until we got our act together or came humbly to Him with flowers or chocolates. Forgiveness is probably the greatest gift you can give your spouse, but it’s also the greatest gift you can give yourself. 

Taken from Kingdom Marriage, a Focus on the Family book published by Tyndale House Publishers. Copyright © 2016 by Tony Evans. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Check out more from Tony Evans @TonyEvans.org

About The Author

Dr. Tony Evans

Dr. Tony Evans is one of the country’s most respected leaders in evangelical circles. As a pastor, teacher, author and speaker, he serves the body of Christ through his unique ability to communicate complex theological truths through simple, yet profound, illustrations. While addressing the practical issues of today, Dr. Evans is known as a relevant expositor. New and veteran pastors alike regard him as a pastor of pastors and a father in the faith.


At the heart of this vision is the use of church and school partnerships to effect spiritual and social change in communities. Dr. Evans’ church and school outreach philosophy has been attributed as a catalyst for former President George W. Bush’s Faith Based Initiative, which was his first formal act of office. Dr. Evans seeks to train churches, schools and volunteers in this philosophy, as well as in the functional practicalities, through the National Church Adopt-A-School Initiative which is a ministry underneath the umbrella of The Urban Alternative.


Dr. Evans serves as president of The Urban Alternative, a national ministry that seeks to restore hope and transform lives through the proclamation and the application of the Word of God. His daily radio broadcast, The Alternative with Dr. Tony Evans, can be heard on more than 850 radio outlets throughout the United States and in more than 80 countries.


Dr. Evans has written numerous books and booklets including his legacy work, Oneness Embraced, as well as his vision work, The Kingdom Agenda. Some of his most recent books includes, Kingdom Man, A Moment For Your Soul, Marriage Matters, and Victory in Spiritual Warfare.



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