What night of the week is your family night?
Modern conveniences like cell phones, computers, and tablets are supposed to give us more leisure time, right? But, in reality, technology simply raises everyone’s expectations for speed and availability. What about family time—at least one night a week that we’re collecting cell phones and tablets and taking time to spend with our families? Let me suggest that we all set a night and time to play board games or Uno or something else that will force us to talk and have fun. If we don’t schedule it, it’s just hit or miss. Agree on a game, share memories, talk about all kinds of things—including your favorite Bible story and why. Make sure, though, that food is a part of it. Dads, you be in charge. You’ll be glad you did.
Let’s learn a lesson from Jason Bourne.
We men don’t like to move into uncomfortable situations. We don’t like to look silly or embarrassed. We’d much rather watch TV than move toward the needs of our wives and kids. We’re passive. That’s nothing new. Genesis 3:6 says that Adam was with Eve when she disobeyed God. But, instead of helping his wife resist temptation, he joined her in eating the forbidden fruit. Men, we need to be like Jason Bourne. When there’s a problem, Bourne instinctively got after it. Those of us who have the indwelling Spirit of God should have the courage and faith to get the Jason Bourne look on our faces and move toward the need—especially the need in our families.
What are you thankful for?
Thanksgiving! It’s one of my favorite holidays of the year. It’s celebrated in many countries. Here in the U.S., it’s the fourth Thursday in November. As a parent, what are you thankful for? I’d love to hear your Thanksgiving comments, and you can post them at ParentMinute.org. I thought I would tell you what I’m thankful for this year. First, I’m thankful that I’m not only a parent, but a stepparent and an adoptive parent. I’m thankful that each of my kids have taught me lessons that have forced me to look to God for guidance. And I’m thankful that, through adoption, God has allowed me to see a small glimpse of how He sees me as an adopted child of His.
Bitter at God?
Bitterness. Yes, our kids can be bitter. Why? Maybe divorce has hit our homes, or death, or maybe they’re dealing with a less-than-perfect body that kids tease and torment. A lot of times, it’s middle school when all this anger comes rushing out. How do we help? Sometimes we can’t. The Holy Spirit is responsible. But, we need to be faithful. Let’s help our kids see that true beauty is inside—like the love of a father who has suffered burns on his face. While ugly to others, his face represents unconditional love. It may be time we started leading by example, too. Tell God thank you for those unchangeable qualities that make us special to our Heavenly Father. Perhaps it’ll encourage our kids to look for inner beauty, too.
What’s your game plan for your kids?
Do you want your child to be wealthy, healthy, happily married, live close to you, and help you in your old age? Well, none of these goals are evil in and of themselves. But, sometimes, the good can elbow out the best. Here’s the better question, though: how do we help our kids have goals for themselves? God created our kids for His purpose, not ours. What if God wants our son or daughter to be a missionary in some third-world nation? Or a teacher in the inner city? Are you going to stand in their way? Bottom line: we need to help our kids walk in the Lord, love God, and listen to His voice. I think it’s time to stop making plans for our kids and simply point them to the truth of Scripture. The rest will fall into place.
Husbands will melt with love...
Paul, in the book of Ephesians, encourages wives to submit and show respect to their husbands. The Apostle Peter says a similar thing in 1 Peter. Now, that doesn’t mean that women are less valuable to God. Want your husbands to shower you with love? Respect them. “But, they don’t deserve it,” you say. Find ways. Wives, you don’t realize how incredibly winsome and compelling you can be when—instead of being haughty toward your husband—you shower him with respect and trust. No man is going to say he doesn’t want to be loved, but what he really craves is respect. Ladies, try it; I think you’ll be surprised—and very pleased—with the results.
I treat all my kids the same, right? Wrong!
While it's important to be fair, we can’t treat all of our kids the same way. They're all different. Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way he should go” (NKJV). “In the way he should go” means the unique way God has made each one of them. Some of our kids are motivated by money, others by self-discipline, and still others by family influence. As parents, we need to study our kids to know how God wired them. Then, when we use all the stuff we've learned as parents, the rest of Proverbs 22:6 will apply. It says, “And when he is old he will not depart from it” (NKJV). In some cases, they could be really old. But don't fear. Trust.
Are your kids “those” kids?
It seems like everybody has some. A neighborhood, school, or church where there is a whole family of boys or whatever—just running and screaming and picking on each other. You envy those families who have nice, quiet compliant kids. But, for whatever reason our kids are “busy.” More often than not, our kids are always getting into things and always trying to push our buttons. What do we do? Sometimes, it’s a simple as being firm in our discipline. Other times, it’s redirecting attention to something less frustrating. Other times, we lose control, exposing our worst moments. Have no fear, though. God is working. Be faithful to teach His word. Pray His Word takes root in their lives.
Mark Twain on raising teens
Mark Twain said, when a child becomes a teenager, you should “put him in a barrel and feed him through” a hole in the lid. When they turn sixteen, Twain said, “Plug the hole!” If you have challenging teenagers, you understand where he’s coming from, but let’s be real—you could get in trouble for that! But, you know what? It’s in a teen’s DNA to be a little oppositional. Why? They’re testing you and their place in this world, and God’s using that to form them into the people He wants them to be. Our job as a parent is to courageously and lovingly hold the line. Be a gutsy, trusting parent who hangs tough even when your son or daughter gets upset. Remember, they’ll only be teens for a short time. They will grow out of it.
Love them, spoil them, and send them home.
Are you a grandparent? I am. The great thing about being a grandparent is you can do all the fun things you ever WANTED to do as a parent—give them candy, eat dessert first, and let them stay up late. It's like a sleepover with a financially-dependent cool person you love. We spoil our grandkids with toys, sweets, and sometimes even cash, until Mom and Dad rain on our parade, right? But, if you’re a grandparent raising your grandkids, that's a WHOLE different story. You’re really their parent. There are more of you than ever before for MANY reasons. My advice to you? Find time to be those fun grandparents. When they're older, they'll respect you for your sacrifice—but they’ll remember you for your love.