Four kids in sports? What am I going to do?
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1 Corinthians 10:14
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1 John 5:21
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“You’re homophobic”—is that good or bad?
That comment came from a young person claiming to be a Christian. The adult who was the target of that criticism was a bit taken back by it. First, the accused was shocked that the person had said that about him. Secondly, he wondered if he failed to love people who need Jesus who practice that way of life. The accuser said, “You HATE being around gay people.” To which he said, “Well, I’m uncomfortable around openly dogmatic gay people, but I’m also uncomfortable being around drunks, people who swear, and gossipers.” Jesus was accused of being a friend of sinners. What will our kids say about us? Do we love people—even sinners? Let’s teach our kids to follow Jesus’ example and share God’s Good News, which IS love.
My kids told me they’re divorcing.
I went to the gym this week. A gym acquaintance was there. But, this day was a little different. He was on his stomach looking at his phone and tears filled his eyes. “I know God doesn’t give us more than we can handle, but…” In one week he lost his father-in-law, two sons are in the hospital (one critical), and his other son announced that he and his wife were divorcing. I prayed with him and then asked, “What are you going to do?” He said, “Trust God and continue to speak the truth and love. That’s all I can do.” As we stand beside our adult kids, they need to see that, despite the trials, we STILL trust God. No matter their walk, all involved will see God giving strength in the storm.
I don’t even WANT to be around that kid.
I heard that comment recently from a Sunday school teacher. This was somebody who taught for YEARS. She was so frustrated by the lack of respect shown to her by some of her fifth-grade students. Lack of engagement. Blurting out. Utter rudeness. I get requests all the time from parents asking me to address this issue. So, here it is. Mom and Dad, if our kids are rude, it’s because of sin, no doubt. But WE need to help resolve the problem. TEACH respect. Boys open doors for girls. Look adults in the eye when you talk to them. “Yes, sir” and “Yes, ma’am” should be standard responses. PRACTICE it. If our kids can’t respect adults, how are they going to respect God and His Word?
Racism is serious, and roots are deep.
Today’s politics seem to be throwing the racism accusation around often. Frankly, a lot of us may not be racists, but we just act foolish trying NOT to be. We try to avoid the trappings of racism by encouraging our kids to go to the inner city, or invite the inner city to us. Kenda, a friend of Keys for Kids, says these are great intentions, but when she hears this, she feels as if we’re discovering a new alien life form—and not speaking of a person. While our skin may be a different color, the idea that we’re “different” has to change. So, parents, what do we do to help our kids change the perspective? Pray. Ask God to give us guidance. And then just love people. That example speaks volumes.
Tattoos are in—I want one.
I don’t know how you feel about tattoos, but I don’t like them. Other people can have them, that’s fine. But for me, I just couldn’t mark up my skin with something I’ll probably get sick of in just a couple of weeks. Teens are getting them left and right these days—some of them will prevent them from getting good jobs or cast that bad-boy or bad-girl image. While they’re in NOW, they may not be 10 or 15 years from now. Our rules? No tattoos and (other than pierced earlobes) no piercings while living under our roof. No, they’re not sinful by themselves (although they can be), but for our family, it gave our kids time to mature—needed when creating something they’ll have to live with for the rest of their lives.
My wife and daughter fight all the time.
An 18-year-old daughter was acting entitled. On top of it, she was treating everyone in the family as peons. While Dad was away on a business trip, it all hit the fan. So, when he got home, he turned her world upside down. With a broken heart, he told her she now was required to pay for her phone, insurance—everything. And when she graduated from high school, she had to find her own apartment. Rather than getting angry, she realized her sin and emotionally confessed. But Dad did something unthinkable. He said, “Words are great, but go about your life prepared to do all we talked about. It’s good training.” With a twinkle in his eye, he looked at me and said, “I can’t wait to show her grace and mercy.”
Racism can tear a community apart.
As a white man, it’s difficult for me to talk about racism. But as I sit and watch TV or visit communities, it tears me up to see racism in any situation. Worse, it’s difficult watching it in the church. As parents, we can do a lot to teach our kids to love the diverse peoples that God created. As I’ve traveled the globe the last 20+ years, I’ve come to adore the warmth of the African culture, the hospitality of Middle Easterners, the joy of the Haitians, and the pride of the Jewish people. To think Americans are made of literally ALL of these—a melting pot of cultures. The fact is we’re really one race, pointing us all back to Adam and Eve. What are we teaching our kids?
My daughter’s friend is Muslim.
BetsyJo writes, “My daughter’s best friend is being raised in a Muslim family. My daughter is sad because her friend doesn't believe in Jesus. Any advice on what to do?” Our schools today are multicultural. As more and more people immigrate to the United States, the world is coming to us. The question is, “What are we doing to reach them?” Frankly, it can start with our kids. Who are the best people to reach Tanzanians? Tanzanians, right? Who better to reach kids than kids? But we need to train our kiddos to be salt and light—not pulpit-pounding preachers, but people who love people. Jesus was called a friend of sinners for a reason—He loved them—but told them the truth. Our kids can do the same.
We’re just not talking anymore.
Are you finding that your kids spend more time in their room than with you? You know you don’t have to let them do that, right? I know, it’s easier to let them stay there and avoid conflict. But guess what? They need to be out of there talking to you. Make them come out of their room and maybe play some board games or video games. The goal is to create an environment where they open up, and you can share your lives together. It’s not their first choice, but it’s something that they’ll look back on and remember fondly as adults. Make it fun—full of laughter. Let your life be a letter of Christ to your kids. Those lived-out letters will be delivered years down the road.
I’m not a parent, but I love kids!
I have two sisters who have been amazing influences on my kids. I also have friends who never had children of their own, but they, too, have been God-given gifts to young people in our church, or their nieces and nephews. Beth from Arizona isn’t a mom or grandma, but she told me that she’s seen in her own family the tremendous “spiritual, intellectual and developmental impact on” kids in her family. Sometimes as aunts or uncles reinforce something we’re trying to teach our kids, it has more of an impact because it’s coming from somebody other than us. We as parents can “actually leverage these types of relationships to enrich our kids’ lives,” as Beth says—and help them grow in Christ.